Extra 9: Soirée Tactics

—–Translated by daydrop. Please read on the original site at daydrop.nowaki.net.

It was by pure chance that they had spent a full day at work playing with the young son of one of Shitara’s friends. They really had done nothing special—just played together and kept the little boy occupied, but Shitara made sure to keep his word to thank them for their time.

And so they were called out on a Saturday to a teppanyaki place—not a place that did okonomiyaki or monjayaki, but a nice steakhouse. Shin could guess how expensive the restaurant was given all the times he had tagged along to business dinners or been given the extravagant leftovers when he had worked in entertainment production.

“Tatsuki said that he wanted barbecue,” Shitara said, “But Nawada, you’d probably be stuck grilling the meat, so I thought that this style where they grill it for us would be better. What do you think?”

“Uh, the style dun really matter…”

While Shin was feeling incredibly thankful, wondering how many professional babysitters could be hired for the price of a meal here, Tatsuki opened up the menu and commented, “Châteaubriand sounds like the name of a love hotel,” laughing without any care.

When the salad arrived as the first course, Shitara spoke up to the chef.

“I would like half the portion of meat,” he requested, “And could you please give the remaining portion to this growing boy here instead?”

“Yay~~!!” cheered the growing boy who should have finished growing.

“Hey, ya too loud… Shitara-san, are ya sure ’bout that?”

“Yeah, I had a big lunch earlier.”

“Ohhhh, I knowwww~ You went to Zagin for lunch today.”¹

“How do you know that? Did you follow me?”

“No, no. It’s just for some reason I’m in the girl part-timers LINE group.”

“Some reason? What reason’s that?”

According to information that Tatsuki had gleaned from the group chat, Shitara had held a farewell lunch for two former part-timers who graduated from college this year.

“So you bought them lipstick from Hermès as a gift?”

“They were congratulation gifts for finding a job. They said that they wanted to wear it for work.”

“And afterwards, you had a fancy kaiseki lunch.”

“To celebrate their graduation.”

“With just the two girls though~?”

“That was just a simple scheduling conflict. I took the boys out for barbecue on a different day. Anyway, is it really spelled out in all that detail in the group chat?”

“There are a couple of different LINE groups. The two of them posted some pictures on Instagram, trying to pass it off as something else, and it got leaked to a LINE group where people made fun of them for it.”

“What’s that about? I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

“The pictures made it seem like they got the gifts from their boyfriends. Shitara-san, part of your hand was cut off from the frame, and the tags were like— #oopsbeggedforthelipstickivealwayswanted or #blissfullunchinginza. But all the part-timers knew better. They were all like ‘That’s from ShitaP!’ and laughing.”

“But they dun comment directly on the Instagram post.”

“That would publicly embarrass them if people did that.”

“Yeah, that’s tough~”

“Shitara-san, for real though, did they confess to you?”

“Why would they do that? …Excuse me, could I get a white wine? Well, if they’re happy in the end, it doesn’t really matter.”

“But they asked you, didn’t they? ‘What color do you like best?’ When you were at Hermès. H-E-R-M-È-S.”

“You’re so much like a bloodhound, it scares me sometimes.”

“I knew it~! They did ask you~! So then what? What did you say?”

With Tatsuki pressing him, Shitara answered with a strained smile.

“‘I like it best when you don’t wear anything at all.’”

Tatsuki let out a wolf whistle.

“Ya whistle better than PEKOPA…”²

“Oh my god, that’s smooth~!! Geez, my heart skipped a beat there~!! Man, I want to use it too! Let me add it to my arsenal, Shitara-san!”

“Don’t say that like it’s my signature gag. Do whatever you want with it.”

On their way home after eating their fill of a full-course steak dinner, Tatsuki was still pondering Shitara’s line from earlier.

“Where should I use that killer line, I wonder~”

“I think it only works ’cause Shitara-san said it…”

“Whaat? You mean I have to shelf it for 10 years before I can use it?”

“Uh, no, I think there’s a huge gulf b’tween the two o’ ya… Anyway, I think that ya the one who dun put anythin’ on.”

“Huh? I use chapstick though?”

“That ain’t what I mean.” Shin checked to see that the coast was clear, got up onto his tiptoes, and whispered into Tatsuki’s ear. “Ya dun put on no airs. Ya the coolest when ya bein’ yaself, Minagawa.”

Maybe he had let himself drink a little too much since it was a Saturday.

But well, whatever.

“…I love ya best when ya dun wear anythin’ at all.”

In return, Tatsuki glommed onto Shin.

“Goddammit!!”

“Who are ya, Koume Dayu!? Nevermind, we’re still outside!”³

“But I wanted to use the line on you, Nacchan! But you had to jump the gun before me!! Ahhh, no fair!!”

“Why ya such a sore loser ’bout the weirdest things?”

But I love that ’bout ya too.

“……‘I like it best when you don’t wear anything at all.’”

“That’s just sexual harassment when ya say that right now.”

—–Translated by daydrop. Please read on the original site at daydrop.nowaki.net.

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1. Zagin is slang for Ginza, a fancy district in Tokyo.
2. PEKOPA is a comedy duo.
3. Koume Dayu is a comedian who crossdresses like a geisha and randomly yells out curses.

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