Side Profiles and Irises – Vol. 3 Ch. 7

Chapter 7: Block It Out (7)




—–Translated by daydrop. Please read on the original site at daydrop.nowaki.net.

He was riding the Shinkansen. Next to him was Mutsuto, having fun looking through tourist brochures. For some reason, the front of the train car was see-through; the train tracks were clearly visible as they sped forward on top of them. Sakae felt afraid because he had forgotten something very important, but he couldn’t remember what it was, and it was eating away at him.

“Oku.”

“Yeah? Look, Souma, isn’t this fun?”

Sakae looked at Mutsuto’s smile and looked back at the front of the train car. In the distance where the two rails met at the vanishing point, a black spot had appeared. It started off as the size of the tip of a pinkie finger, but it quickly grew as they barreled down the tracks. He saw a boy with no facial features, his face and his hair black, wearing a black stand-collar uniform.

“Stop!”

Sakae shouted out in a mute voice.

“Souma, what’s wrong?”

“Stop, Oku, don’t look.”

The train ran forward at a heartless speed.

Stop. Stop. Please just stop.

At the final moment when the train approached the black figure, Sakae blocked his ears with both hands and squeezed his eyes closed tightly.




His eyes should have been closed, but he was opening his eyes to the feeling that he had fallen into reality. His hand was trembling, as if under convulsions, and it was wrapped in a warmth from another person. He dug his nails in, cautiously blinking his eyes, and he saw the familiar ceiling of his own apartment. He moved his gaze over, and there was Shitara sitting next to the bed.

“Are you okay?”

A hand patted him lightly on top of his clenched fist.

“You were having a nightmare, but you looked so sleep deprived that I thought that I should let you sleep… It looks like I should have woken you though, sorry. Oh, I borrowed this chair from your computer desk.”

That probably meant that he had passed out from exhaustion. Not that he had been working at all. He was pissed off at himself for having shown such a shameful appearance and at Shitara for having arrived at that precise moment, but his emotions still appeared to be functioning, and that gave him some bit of relief. He didn’t know how long that he had been out. The room was dark except for the light by the bed.

“I had taken you to the medical office, but it closes at 6, and in the end I put you in a taxi… You were a little shaky, but you were able to walk on your own, you know. Do you not remember anything?”

He had a vague memory of fighting off nausea as he staggered his way into a car. He remembered how Shitara had supported his body, and he immediately flung Shitara’s hand off of him. Shitara fixed his position in the chair and peered into Sakae’s face.

“The doctor at the medical office took one look at you and made a face that seemed to say ‘Not you again.’ Have you been unwell this entire time?”

Sakae ignored him and sat up. He still couldn’t hear out of the one ear, but the vertigo was much better.

“Well, no matter how you put it, you’re not doing well right now. Do you feel like eating? If you can hold down some food, I can go out and buy something. I took a look at your refrigerator earlier, and it’s terrible. How can you just have alcohol, water, and lemons?”

“Get out,” Sakae said.

“You don’t have to phrase your words like that.”

“If you’ve only got worthless things like that to say, then I’m telling you to get out!” Sakae shouted.

Shitara stared at him intently, his usual smile gone from his face. “…Did you happen to hear about my transfer?”

The silence was an affirmation. 

“Well, shoot, the unofficial announcement hasn’t even been made yet. Every time this happens, I always think this, but where do the leaks even come from?”

The jacket of the suit that Shitara was wearing had been draped over the back of the chair, but he removed his necktie just now and placed it over the jacket.

“I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. I got a little anxious, and it didn’t feel like I could call you over for a talk… Well, it’s true that I kept hesitating and putting it off. It was wrong of me to do that.”

Sorry, it was wrong of me—just hearing those words made Sakae want to knock that face of his to the floor. Because he knew that it wasn’t all talk. Make that stupid smile of yours. Banter back like always. Why do you have to take these things so seriously? They’re beyond our reach anyway. If he were to ask him that question, Shitara would probably force himself to smile and answer like this—Because that’s just how producers are.

“For now, I’m temporarily transferred to Hinokuni TV in Kumamoto,” Shitara said. “I’ll probably be there for two years before I’m transferred again… They probably won’t let me come back after a single stint. I’m not as terrible as a certain someone here, but I’m not the type that superiors are happy to look after. Too bad, too bad~”

Sakae’s acts of defiance were always for himself, but when Shitara defied the ranks above him, it was always to protect someone in a position who was weaker than him. Just like now.

“Well, I don’t think that it turned out too terrible. The local stations are pretty fun.”

Shitara gave him a smile that was happy from his heart.

“A long time ago, I spent a month training in Kumamoto. It’s not possible for them to completely divide the labor into specialized divisions like we do at a flagship station; it’s more a cottage industry. Even the announcers take part in the filming and editing. While they don’t have much of a budget, they have a great homegrown feeling to their work. Plus they have hot springs there and lots of delicious food. You don’t drink it much, but they also have shochu. Any time you want to come over and relax, I’ll show you around—”

“Enough.”

Sakae interrupted his spiel. He couldn’t listen to it anymore. He didn’t want to have Shitara talk to him about whatever miserable decision that he had made to accept his transfer, but he didn’t want to listen to this blithe babbling of his either. He didn’t know how much of that laid-back attitude was Shitara acting, but it didn’t matter. His nerves were already set on edge, and he didn’t want to be irritated even more.

“I get it already. You can take it easy in that new life of yours. Fine. Okay. I understand.”

“Sakae.”

“So leave, will you? I’m tired. Probably not as tired as you though. So stop bothering with me already. Hurry up and pack your bags.”

“I’m not done talking to you.”

“Well I have nothing to say to you!!”

He couldn’t even pretend to be calm. He was embarrassed that he had exposed this disgraceful side of him; that he was hurting and full of wounds, and it made him miserable to be this way. When Sakae noticed how upset he was that they would be separated like this without ever getting to stand with him on equal terms, he finally realized that he had wanted to become equal with this man. It wasn’t that he wanted to advance his career—that wasn’t what he yearned for. He wanted to become more than just someone who was accepted, forgiven, or shielded from harm. That was why he had been so shattered when he was told that Shitara could never measure up to him, that Shitara couldn’t stand him. But it couldn’t be. Shitara and Mutsuto had always understood Sakae. Whatever he wanted to do, whatever he did, they said nothing and understood it all. But Mutsuto was gone, and Shitara would leave him too. The days that should have continued—they were suddenly cut off with no ending credits, and only Sakae was left standing alone in the empty seats of the movie theater that had long closed for the night, unwilling to leave and go home.

Why is it like this? But he wasn’t able to take any action. He could try blaming Mutsuto, he could try blaming his brother who died without saying anything, he could try blaming the bully who had tormented the brother until he couldn’t stand it anymore—but this lack of action, this lack of follow-through, it merely swelled up inside of him until he felt like he would burst.

“Leave,” he repeated. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

Shitara remained silent for a while, looking impatient, but he nodded once before standing up to hang his necktie and jacket over his arm.

“But I still want to talk to you, Sakae. While I’m still here— So please.”

Sakae stubbornly pressed his lips together, his attitude clear that he didn’t want to exchange a single word with him.

“…Get some rest, okay?”

After he saw that Shitara headed for the door, Sakae rolled back down on the bed. He covered himself with his blanket and curled up into a ball towards the wall. If he was going to have nightmares—fine, then give him nightmares. If he couldn’t stay awake for days on end, then fine, he wanted to sleep like this for a month or two. What he hated the most was being thrust between dreams and reality, powerless as he alternated between the two. He squeezed his eyes shut, blocked off his ears, and blocked out his heart. But it was too tiring to close himself off from the inside, so he wished that someone would turn it all off for him. Please just block out everything that connected him to the outside.

But reality seemed to always defy his wishes, because all of a sudden his blanket was torn away from him. He didn’t even have time to be startled as a hand pulled his shoulder over and forced him onto his back.

“Sakae!!”

Shitara’s voice reached the left ear that had been pressed into the pillow, and Sakae realized that he hadn’t checked for the sound of his front door opening and closing. More precisely, he had lain down with the ear that he couldn’t hear out of faced up, and it hadn’t seemed strange to him that he heard no sound.

“Sakae, don’t tell me that you…”

Shitara looked like a different person as he looked down at Sakae with a glaringly upset expression.

“What?”

“What’s wrong with your ears?”

“It’s nothing.”

“You’re lying. Just now, I came back and called out to you because I didn’t want to let things stay like that between us, but you didn’t react at all. Isn’t it because you can’t hear out of your ears? I had thought you were acting strange in the taxi. You were fully conscious, but it was like my voice hadn’t reached you…”

“I was sleepy, and I was just ignoring you.”

“No, that can’t be it. …Is it just the one ear? You can hear me if you face me from the front. Do you feel any pain? Have you gone to see a doctor about it?”

“Shut up.”

“Sakae!”

Shitara grabbed both of his shoulders and pinned his body to the bed. There was the force of gravity pushing down on him, but even if he tried to push Shitara off, he couldn’t budge him.

What the hell? Why are you so desperate? Weren’t you calmly talking about Kumamoto a little earlier?

What the hell are you saying, just because I can’t hear?

“Please, you need to go to a hospital to get it checked out. What will you do if you can’t ever hear from it again?”

“It’s only the one ear. It wouldn’t be catastrophic.”

“It would interfere with your work. You’ll run into trouble when you edit, and you won’t hear your surroundings when you have a headset on.”

“Work?” Sakae laughed as his cheeks twitched. “After everything that happened, you’re trying to make me work? What? Like that piece on Atami that you suggested? No thanks, you don’t even have a show now. Like I’m going to waste my time on it.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Shitara said. “There’s more to the decision from the network. I’m not the only being transferred. You are too.”

“…Huh?”

“You’re being transferred to entertainment production. I don’t know which specific show you’ll be assigned to yet, but it’ll probably be something like Go Go Dash. It’s become popular lately, and they’re exploring a bunch of different directions for the show, and they want a good director they can use immediately.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There was talk of removing you from the News Department and rotating you through the departments that have nothing to do with broadcasting. But I recommended that they send you to entertainment production. It’s inconceivable to take TV making from you.”

“…You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!!” 

Sakae couldn’t resist the strength that suppressed him, so he lifted his head and gave him hell.

“Why the fuck should someone who was just demoted have to decide that for me!? Fuck you!! Quit acting like you’re a hotshot producer!!”

I mean, you’re not going to see any of it anymore, are you? None of my proposals, my scripts, my footage, or my finished videos.

“I did it because I believe that it will absolutely become an asset for you.”

Sakae hated this man who could declare such a thing without even flinching.

“Because Souma Sakae is a genius, and I know that one day you will make a show so iconic that it will be one of the main bolstering forces at Asahi TV. That is one bet that I know I’ll win.”

“And that’s why you don’t care if you’re shipped out to the middle of nowhere? You’re fucking drunk on your delusions.”

“Those things have nothing to do with each other.”

“Whatever, it’s all the same to me. Why the fuck should I go to entertainment production just because you said so? I refuse. I don’t care if they fire me for it. I’d rather quit this fucking company.”

“Sakae, don’t say that.”

“Don’t say that? What about you? You’ve only been spewing shit that I don’t want to hear!!”

He raised his voice and twisted his shoulders as he struggled to escape.

“Nothing’s fun for me anymore! There’s nothing that I want to do! I don’t feel like shooting videos. I don’t feel like playing with edits—nothing!! I can’t make videos like I used to.”

“Do it even if you don’t want to.” The order was explicit in its cruelty.

“Fuck no.”

“Do it. Even if you’re completely worn out, don’t back down here. Don’t say that you’ll quit.”

“Why?”

The question sounded weak and shaky. Shitara was the one who knew Sakae better than anyone, so how could he say those words to him without any hesitation?

“I told you. Because you’re a genius. All of my admiration, respect, and jealousy—everything is all there inside of you.”

“That’s just all in your fucking head!”

Sakae dug his nails into the back of the hands that were holding his shoulders down, but Shitara made no change in his expression. His nails broke skin, and the moment that he felt warm blood flow from the wounds, tears fell from his eyes.

“…Why don’t you understand,” he whispered. He knew that Shitara was likely thinking the same thing. 

“You always make that face like you can see everything that I’m thinking. So why don’t you understand?”

“Sakae.”

“I don’t want to do this job anymore that makes me remember you or Oku….”

His fingertips slipped. Maybe what he was shedding right now was Shitara’s blood, instead of his tears. He only wished that it was true.

“I’m scared,” Sakae whispered. He had a feeling that it was the first time in his life that he had ever uttered those words.

“I don’t want to see anything. I don’t want to hear anything. I don’t want to think about anything… So please, block it all out for me. Fill me up so I don’t feel anything.”

It was convenient that his vision had blurred, that he couldn’t see Shitara’s face clearly. He could never say those words out loud if their eyes had locked together properly. But even so, he could tell that Shitara’s mouth had moved to say “I’m sorry.” And at the lingering sound of the sorry, Shitara descended on him.

When his lips were sealed, Sakae felt a tremendous relief come over him. He didn’t have to scream to the point that his voice gave out. Maybe the overwriting of this warped situation with his own warped behavior, it somehow restored balance to his mental state.

So block it out. Fill me in. Plug me up. 

“…Sakae.”

Shitara immediately released his lips, and as he wiped the tears from the corner of Sakae’s eyes with the back of his fingers, he pressed short little kisses to his lips repeatedly, as if they were knocks on a door to see if he was okay with this. But the kisses were too frustrating for him, and Sakae lifted his head to seek something deeper that would fill him up. With Shitara’s hand supporting the back of his head, Sakae accepted the tongue that was offered to him. It shouldn’t have been anything special, but the light strokes to his palate felt good—it was enough to make him shudder. That was why he felt no reservations about this, that what he was doing right now was something that he needed. He didn’t know what Shitara thought about it though.

Sakae wanted Shitara to fill him up more and more. Until he had no room to breath even. Sakae tangled his tongue the way that he wanted it. The sound of saliva rang through one side of his head, blocking out all the other sounds, and he gave himself up entirely to the kiss. He didn’t care if their teeth clashed together; he just devoured the kiss greedily.

His T-shirt was rolled up to his collarbones as he was distracted by the lust that intoxicated him. But the moment he felt his lips being sucked on, the surprise that he felt towards a man groping his body with sexual intentions, it pretty much disappeared.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was telling himself that he could explain away a kiss as a momentary delusion. However, once he tasted such a kiss, there was a whisper that told him that it was all the same beyond this point, regardless of what he did or didn’t do. If he had felt even the slightest bit of disgust, he knew that before reason, before his emotions, his body would probably move of its own accord, that his free arm would punch Shitara off of him. However, he wouldn’t pull that trigger.

“…Sorry, I got blood on your clothes,” Shitara said.

Instead, Sakae took Shitara’s hand with beads of red droplets that dotted the back of it and licked the wounds that he had created. The salty iron taste reminded him of the scent of the sea breeze in his hometown, a scent he had smelled enough to be sick of it.

“It stings.”

Shitara gave a wry smile and withdrew his hand. He stroked Sakae’s body that he had taken the liberty to expose and brushed against a nipple.

“Nn…”

Once Sakae felt the touch, he knew that they had hardened and perked up, the sensitive nerves swollen in a place he had normally never been aware of before. They strained like ears, ready to pick up any external stimulus. Or maybe they were waiting for it. When they were caught and pinched between Shitara’s fingers, they throbbed and swelled and made themselves known. It felt as conspicuous as if fluorescent paint had been sprinkled on him.

“Ahh.”

Warmth and wetness from Shitara’s tongue were added to the spot, and his head arched back in spite of himself. A wire that conducted his lust stretched between the red, swollen nipple to some place deep within his belly, like a root of a plant, propagating the stimulation everywhere in all its purity with zero time lag.

“Ahhh— Ahh… Nhh…”

Shitara buried his face into the flat chest—that was why the aroused little peaks were so striking. Whatever pleasure his mouth could bestow there, whether by tongue, by lips, or by teeth, Shitara gave it all to Sakae. Fingers from one hand slipped into Sakae’s mouth; they teased and tickled him all over and lured out from him a string of garbled noises. Shitara’s tongue had reached the faint bumpy patterns of his rib cage and the light definition of his stomach muscles. It passed over the fabric of the jeans to arrive right between his legs and confirmed for itself the thick bulge of his arousal.

“…ngh!”

Shitara breathed over the erection. Sakae tore at his belt to undo the buckle and opened up the front of his jeans. It had been a while since he had taken care of this urgency of his, and it rushed out to be touched like it was dying to get off. Sakae figured that he might as well do it himself, but Shitara’s hand got to his cock first and squeezed down on the throbbing pulse.

“Nnn…!”

“Nope, sorry,” Shitara whispered. The lust was open and clear in his voice; even Sakae with his one ear couldn’t have mistaken it.

“This is for me to take care of.”

“Ahh…”

At first it started off slow, the hand snug like a sheath and the strokes gentle on his cock, until the movements gradually grew more intense. Sakae wondered impatiently if Shitara would do anything else, and he rocked his hips a little, but then the sheath of the hand popped open and only fingertips skimmed up along the line of the underside.

“Nn, ahh!”

Shitara spurred Sakae on with clever changes in tempo, switching up his touches and strokes. He nestled up close and peered into Sakae’s face.

“Ngh, oi,” Sakae grunted.

“Hmm?”

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

“What do you mean?”

This back and forth banter between them made Sakae feel like their simpler days had returned, and he hurried to demand another kiss. He was scared that sanity would return. Not to him, but to Shitara.

The kiss was like a bite—no, it was a bite. They ate at each other’s lips, stole each other’s breaths. Their tongues tangled together so close, they could have been tied.

“Nnh… Nnn, nnhh—”

As their kiss became filthier, his cock grew harder, and Shitara’s hand that inflamed him started to lose its pretense of cool. It turned rough and impatient as it manhandled him. Shitara stripped him relentlessly from root to tip, and Sakae came, sucking hard on his tongue.

“Nn! …ngh, nggh…”

His release had been so hot, he felt like his veins could have melted, but the come that soiled his stomach quickly cooled down. Sakae was afraid that the urge between them would solidify too, change in an instant, but Shitara did not hesitate to place his mouth over the skin splattered with jizz to lick it all up. Shitara played with Sakae’s nipples that had been peaked this entire time, and tingling layers of lust ran through his body. When Shitara sucked hard below his belly button, Sakae couldn’t see it, but he knew that he had left a mark there. A frustration wriggled underneath his stomach like a snake, and his toes curled at the sensation.

Shitara licked clean all of the come and looked down at Sakae, murmuring “Now what do we do, hmm?” He was thinking about something, but from the tone of his voice, he wasn’t looking for an opinion. Sakae still felt the lingering aftereffects of his intense release, and he wasn’t really listening as Shitara reached over his head to take out the condoms from the shelf of the headboard.

“There’s just the one left… When was the last time you used them?”

When was it? He took the question and started to search for the answer, but Shitara immediately covered Sakae’s mouth with his hand. 

“Nevermind, don’t answer,” he said. “…It’ll only make me angry, so I don’t want to hear it.” 

Sakae didn’t understand what those words even meant. It was seriously a mystery what made Shitara frustrated or angry.

Shitara placed his hands on both sides of Sakae’s hips and pulled down his jeans along with his underwear. He peeled them all the way off, spread the naked legs wide open, but Sakae didn’t resist him at all. It was too late to be scared, and he wanted his body to see for itself what Shitara wanted to do to him. Not because Sakae had wanted it; he wanted to see what this man would do, whatever this voice would say that he wanted. It could be sex, it could be aphyxiation, Sakae didn’t care. In any case, it was fine as long as Shitara filled Sakae up—with something that only Shitara could do, something that he would only let Shitara do.

Shitara raised Sakae’s leg, pliant and loose, and sank his teeth into the soft part on the inner side of the ankle.

“Ah…”

He never knew that he could feel there so clearly the sharpness of a canine or the texture of enamel. It was terrifying to be spread open like this.

Hurry up and fill me in.

Shitara hooked the foot that squirmed a little over his shoulder. He tore open the condom wrapper, rolled it over a finger, and pressed the film of latex against the back part of Sakae’s body.

“If it hurts, tell me right away.”

“Nnh.”

His chin lifted sharply. Lubricant fully loaded on the tip of the condom smeared over his hole, and the slickness allowed a finger to penetrate inside. The condom rubbed intimately against his hole, and Sakae gasped at the physiological rejection of a pressure that ran counter to the organ’s constriction. He felt like the finger even agitated the breath that he took. The cold lube melted from the rawest part of his burning body, and it seeped deeper inside him.

“Ahh… ah, ah.”

Sakae tried to suppress his voice the best that he could, but every time Shitara pumped in and out of his body, his throat would act out. He had no control over his various functions—it was merely a single finger that played with him there—but Sakae still wanted to see this through to the end. He wasn’t afraid that he wouldn’t be able to go back after this. There was nothing in this world that could ever go back to the way that it once was.

“Ahhh…!”

When Sakae started getting used to the foreign sensation, like pins and needles when his legs would fall asleep for kneeling too long, he was sharply spread wider again. He now had two fingers inside him.

“Nghh, ah.”

The pain immediately increased. The discomfort grew from the dull, reverberating pain, from the back and forth movements wrapped in a condom, and Sakae hit Shitara in the back with the heel of his foot.

“Take it out…”

“Sorry, does it hurt?”

“It’s not that.”

He had just kicked Shitara, but now he massaged that same place with his heel.

“I don’t like the feeling of the condom… So, just use your fingers to do it.”

Sakae had swallowed up the fingers down to the base where that thick loop was, but then they pulled out all at once. He didn’t have time to get goosebumps as Shitara fed his bare fingers back into him.

“Aahh!”

Painful things were still painful. But what was different from before was that now he felt that a part of Shitara, who was breathing right next to him, was filling him up instead of some cold, artificial object. His inner walls, that had been stubbornly stiff and needed to be pried open, suddenly clenched down.

“…You’re burning up here.”

“Nnnh… ah…”

Just a 0.03 mm distance had been cleared away between them, but Sakae could feel himself responding to the movements that played with his hole. No matter how hard or how bold Shitara twisted his fingers inside of him, Sakae accepted them softly like he was thrown on a fire. Maybe he wanted the fingers inserted in him to expose him even deeper. The enticement that had been quiet up until now slowly became restless, clenching and contracting like a living creature.

“—Aaah!” 

Fingertips touched something hard inside of him. To be precise, it was something that couldn’t be touched directly, something buried deeper inside him, but just a light friction was enough to shoot a blinding pleasure through his body, like he had been hit with a bullet.

“Ahh… aaah…”

When Shitara found the place that awakened Sakae’s raw desires with no filters of any kind, he rubbed the spot with short back-and-forth motions. When he pressed up hard against it, Sakae’s hips trembled and twitched, and he writhed in the pleasure.

“Ah, stop, not there.”

“Why? You’re responding really nicely… Are you scared?”

“Shut up… ngh.”

Sakae buried his face in a pillow, and Shitara tortured his hole and his cock at the same time.

“Nnh! Ah, ahh!”

That pleasure that he received from the place that wasn’t his cock made him start to harden again, and just a light touch made him immediately strain. He started to spill precome, half-translucent, and it mixed with the traces from earlier. The droplets ran down the arc-shaped curve and continued even lower; and when they reached the entrance that was now accustomed to the stretch, Shitara moved his fingers to make loud squelching sounds, as if to let him know of their arrival.

“Aah… aah.”

His moans and the wet sounds from his body filled up his ears. He felt like he was about to come again. He wanted to come. But at the same time, he thought that it wasn’t time, that it wasn’t enough.

“Sakae.”

From Shitara’s voice, Sakae knew that he thought so too. That single word vibrated low and deep through the air, conceiving a heat inside him, and in an instant, it made need and lust burst from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Shitara could probably feel how his hole squeezed down tight, sad and reluctant, on the fingers that played with him there.

Yes, he did feel some guilt inside of him, that it was wrong that he could be so aroused by a man’s body like this, but more importantly, he could tell how badly Shitara wanted this body of his, and when Sakae felt Shitara’s cock press against him after his fingers had pulled out, he didn’t fight him off. It would probably overwhelm him, fill him up more than anything else up until now, and that expectation turned into anticipation; his entire body throbbed with a yearning that felt closer to hunger.

“Ahh…”

That rock-hard cock tried to carefully push the tip in. He immediately became frustrated with the slow, tortured progress, and he complained at Shitara, “Hurry it up.”

“Nope, we can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it hurts you.”

“It’s fine as long as you get the biggest part in first. Here—”

Sakae wrapped his legs around Shitara’s waist and used all of his strength to pull him in deeper.

“Hey, stop, stupid.”

“Nnhh…!”

Sakae squeezed his eyes shut only when he swallowed the head inside him. When his body opened up the impasse and conformed to the shape of Shitara’s cock, Sakae threw his chest out and tried to catch his breath.

“Didn’t I tell you? You’re really stupid.”

At the word “stupid,” Sakae remembered Mutsuto. Their voices and their tones were completely different, but the absence of something could sometimes make things even more prominent. Sakae unraveled his legs and said, “Move.” Shitara probably understood that the overbearing demand was almost essentially a plea. And so this time he didn’t refuse him. He placed his hands on either side of Sakae’s face and leaned his body over, thrusting his hips in a quick, short rhythm.

“Ah, ahh! —Nnh, aaahh.”

“Sakae.”

“Ahh— More… give me more… ngh.”

Sakae repeated himself like he was delirious. 

More, more, fill me up more.

He wanted the pleasure, the pain, the pressure—until he couldn’t think of anything else anymore. Sakae withered for a moment at the intense foreign sensation that he felt from a man’s cock fucking him, but the place where fingers had played with him thoroughly swelled with desire as Shitara bore into him without reservations, and soon pleasure captured him and turned him hard again.

“Aaah…”

It felt good. The sex was more fresh and more vivid than any another other fuck that he had ever had until now. Maybe because he wasn’t normal right now, or maybe it was their compatibility or suitability, or maybe, just maybe—it was that every single thrust sent him soaring higher and higher, but even despite the stimulation, he couldn’t reach his climax. Instead, his hole tightened down greedily on Shitara as he filled him with pleasure, repeating the relaxations and contractions in time with the thrusts.

“Ahh… Nnn, nhhh—”

The hard, fat cock on the point of bursting opened Sakae up to his limits and filled him to the brim. He shoved his hips up, irritated at the full length of the thickness that had stopped inside him, and he achieved the effect that he wanted as his belly responded with pulsating waves.

He was filled up closer and deeper than he had ever wanted. In the arms of this man who would soon leave him for some place far away. He poured a naked heat into Sakae that he had never experienced before, recklessly gentle in his touch.

“Sakae…ngh.”

“Ah, aaahh!”

At their final moment, Shitara held Sakae tightly, and Sakae’s whole body trembled like an animal that had been finished off and died. He came, feeling Shitara come inside him. It was only then that his soul separated away from him—to somewhere that wasn’t his dreams or reality. He wondered where Shitara had gone.

“Sakae.” 

Shitara laid himself down on Sakae and stroked his hair. 

“Please don’t quit. Please don’t throw out TV from inside you. No matter where I go, I will always be watching your work…”

He then brought his lips to the ear that couldn’t hear sound, and he whispered something. Of course, Sakae couldn’t hear it. The sex was over.

From now on, I’ll have to plug myself up on my own.




—–Translated by daydrop. Please read on the original site at daydrop.nowaki.net.

Please leave a comment if you enjoyed the story!❤



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4 thoughts on “Side Profiles and Irises – Vol. 3 Ch. 7”

  1. This backstory for the rise and eventual fall of Go Go Dash is so emotional and devastating. How must Shitara feel after he saw Sakae collapsed when he had said all those words to Sakae long ago?

    Ahh, but I thought this scene was so hot with all of the emotions and desperation, and Sakae just wanting it and taking charge when it wasn’t enough. Hot damn. *fans self through tears*

    But this chapter really made explicit how Sakae had found where he belonged in Mutsuto and Shitara. Especially when you compare this reaction of his to his thoughts about The Sea Swallow Theater.

    If Sakae is Kei without a need for a filter, then Shitara has Kei’s filter except he’s not a prince, he just uses it as pure social lubrication while he has designs on other things in the background.

  2. “I mean, you’re not going to see any of it anymore, are you? None of my proposals, my scripts, my footage, or my finished videos.”

    Aaahhh you wanted Shitara all along.. Sakae knew that Oku-sama and Shitara are his solace, his safe zone(like in seizing dreams) and once it collapsed, you fall with it 🙁 deym.. I agree with nachte-san IT’S SO HOT aaaaahhh (along with the weather here hahahuhu) the way he wants Shitara with pure desire is just 👌👌👌 but deym the last line hurt me like hell.. gahd whhhyyyy aaaahhhh

    Thank you so so much for the chapter!!!~ 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇

    1. He only had alcohol, water, and lemons in his fridge. Seriously, Sakae is such a disaster of a human, but he can’t forget Shitara’s drink… He has it so bad for Shitara.

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