Chapter 9: Love Rivals and Irises (9)
The incident at Tatsukiâs apartment had happened on a Thursday morning, and before Shin knew it, it was already Saturday night and they would be meeting Tatsukiâs friends for drinks again. He hadnât had another opportunity to really question Tatsuki about the mysterious person he had been in love with. Had Shin been determined to ask about it, he could have made time to talk to Tatsuki, but it was hard to bring it up again once he had let the sudden impulse and timing slip by. And Tatsuki hadnât brought the topic back up himself, which probably meant that he didnât want to proactively talk about it. Could it be that Tatsuki still had feelings for the personâŠ? But even without this lingering doubt, there must have been more troubles and difficulties that Tatsuki hadnât revealed to Shin. Maybe it was âunbelievableâ of Tatsuki, but it wasnât out of the realm of possibility. If Tatsuki was hiding something, then the more Shin wanted to know what it wasâand the more that he wanted to know, then the harder it became for Shin to ask Tatsuki about it.
The past was the past, and dragging it up was likely a faux pas in itself, one that might make Tatsuki experience painful memories again. He might think that Shin was a headache, and that was a thought that made Shin feel sad.
Maybe I shouldna said anythinâ. Whyâd I hafta blurt that out that day?
âNawada-san.â
Someone suddenly called his name right by his ear, and Shin turned his head and found Kotarou standing next to him close enough to touch his shoulder.
âOh, Iâm sorry. I called your name several times, but it seemed like you hadnât heard me.â
â…Itâs ya fault.â
âPardon me? I didnât catch that.â
â…Nevermind. Itâs nothinâ.â
Around them were restaurant and izakaya greeters making noise and soliciting pedestrians to walk inside, and fortunately it seemed that Kotarou hadnât heard the rash and unreasonable criticism that he had let out (and he fully knew it was too), so Shin started walking again and said, âI think the place is this way.â
âI didnât think that you would come today, Nawada-san.â
âDun worry, I dun plan on interruptinâ ya guys while ya catchinâ up on olâ times.â
âOh, no, it makes me incredibly happy that youâre here,â Kotarou said, speaking plainly with no pretense in his words.
âDun say that so loud. Anâ dun ya dare say stuff like that in front of everybody!â
âBy everybody, you mean Minagawa, correct?â
No matter how much Shin quickened his pace, Kotarou was like a compass that would quickly come and catch up to him, which pissed him off.
âDid you think that I might say something to him unless you come keep an eye on me?â
Kotarou was right on the mark, so Shin strongly denied it.
âNo way, dun think that everythinâ revolves around ya. Ya beinâ overly self-conscious.â
Shin was the one giving Kotarou the cold shoulder, so what was this frustration that he was feeling? And Shin had lied again. He no longer separated the white lies that were necessary from the ones that werenât.
But maybe Tatsuki had lied to Shin too. Shin leaned forward as if to break into a run when he heard Tatsukiâs voice from between the buildings.
âNacchan.â
Shin rushed to put on the brakes.
âThe entrance to the place is deeper in the back. I thought it would be hard for you to find, so I stood out here.â
âThanks.â
âNo probs~ So Kotaâs with you? Perfect.â
âWe just happened to run into each other.â Although Kotarou was snippy as always, he did state the truth.
âHnnn⊠Anyway, follow me.â
Tatsukiâs friends, whom Shin had met before, were waiting for them in the izakaya. They took one look at Kota and cried, âYouâre here!â
âYa sure popular,â Shin commented.
âIâm pretty sure they just want to mess with me.â
âKotarou-kun, come sit at the head of the table~â
âWhen weâre done here, weâll leave you alone with Tatsuki for the afterparty~â
âWhat, no way, Iâm going home at that point,â Tatsuki said, making a quick refusal, and Kotarou retorted immediately, âHey! Iâm disgusted by the thought!â
âYeah, yeah.â
âAhhh, this really takes me back! This is exactly what I missedâŠâ
âKota, you havenât lost your boyish spirit.â
Everyone was wholly absorbed with teasing Kotarou, and Shinâs worries were completely needless. He could definitely feel how everyone loved himâin a much different way that everyone loved Tatsuki. He wondered if it was because Kotarou was handsome and smart, but it was hilarious how he responded so seriously to everything.
When they headed to the second location for the night, no, they did not leave the two of them alone as proposed. Someone had suggested, âHey, thereâs a ping pong bar nearby, letâs go there,â so everyone decided to head over. The place was pretty self-explanatoryâthere were four ping pong tables and people could play in between drinks. The balls and paddles were even free to use. There really were all sorts of drinking establishments that people could find.
âTatsuki, you should play a game against Kota while youâre here!â
âHuh? Weâre not playing doubles?â
âItâs not like we can keep up with you two and your athletic abilities anyway~â
âIâve had a lot to drink already tonight⊠But okay, Iâm up for a quick game with you, Kota.â
âWhy the hell do I have to be your opponent!?â
âBut ainât ya been testinâ out paddles so that ya can play?â
Thus, a single-game match of ping pong between Tatsuki and Kotarou was decided.
âNacchan, hold my coat for me. …All right, letâs go, Kota.â
âYouâre on.â
They headed to opposing ends of the table, and the moment they took their ready positions, the looks in their eyes had changed. The match opened with Tatsukiâs serve.
The gallery, which included Shin, leaned back against the bar counter as they watched the rallies back and forth. Shin immediately agreed with the words that no one could keep with them.
â…Uh, have they both played before?â
âNo, Iâm pretty sure that they havenât.â
âThey just have good athletic sense~â
They attacked and defended a tiny ball that didnât sound as cute as the name âping pongâ suggested. The ricochet of the returns sounded much sharper than any of the other tables, and the quick tempo of the ball slamming back and forth echoed throughout the bar. Shin immediately felt a little nauseated as he turned his face left and right to try to follow the action. They didnât look like amateurs at allâwell, all the spectators were amateurs tooâbut there was a fierce speed and intensity as the game went on.
âWatching them like this, itâs really hard to tell who is better.â
âTotally. And Kota has this desperation about him.â
âProbably because of his one-sided feelings.â
Maybe Shin had a bad habit of looking at things from a TV perspective because he would always follow whatever scene drew his eye for a âgood shot.â Which shots would he want to include if he were to film and edit this one-game match into a video? The answer was clear. Even if he disregarded his own personal bias, his eyes would always come back to Tatsuki. Kotarou was the superior player here; he built his score by paring down wasteful actions, doggedly returning the ball, and never missing a chance for an easy point. However, Shin had the most fun watching Tatsuki with his serves that were absolute flukes, the do-or-die smashes that pumped the crowd up, and the feints that he pulled off grinning mischievously. Tatsuki jumped and shouted âYay!â whenever he scored a point and stared up at the ceiling with a âDamn it!â whenever he lost one. All of his actions were striking and expressive, and Shin almost regretted that he didnât have a camera with him. The friend who had said, If Kota is someone who makes a clutch hit to bring in some runs, Tatsukiâs the one who hits a home runâhe was right on the mark with his comment.
Tatsuki did have a competitive streak in him, but between Kotarou who was taking this game incredibly seriously and Tatsuki who was playing all out for fun, the difference was stark. Kotarou was about to snatch a win by the rules, but he was so desperate that he didnât look like he was having any fun at all.
Oi, are ya really okay with this? Shin wanted to say to him. Even if ya win like this, ya ainât gettinâ the spotlight. Ya gotta relax ya shoulders more, even if ya takinâ this seriously.
Shin felt like he had met Kotarouâs eyes for a moment. And he felt like he had heard his voice.
âI know that. But still, this is the only way for me to chase him. The only way I know how to do things.â
Kotarou slammed the ping pong ball to the very edge of the table, skimming just past the reach of Tatsukiâs paddle. The hollow bounces of the ball faded into a roll behind him.
âThatâs game, set, and match! Kota wins!â
The score was 15-13. The referee directed his hands towards Kotarou to present him as the winner, and the entire bar broke into applause.
âAhhh, dammit!! I lost!!â Tatsuki wiped the sweat off his forehead and smiled at Kotarou like the loss was already the furthest thing from his mind. âKota, great game!â
Kotarou scrunched his eyebrows, not happy in the least, and snatched Tatsukiâs paddle away from him before turning his back.
âIâll go return these.â
Shin felt somewhat worked up just watching Kotarou.
Megumi has the same feelinâs too. Even when he wins against Minagawa, he realizes that heâs still lostâthat heâs no match for âim, anâ he feels so upset and frustrated with âimself that it’s almost unbearable. But ya know, Minagawa dun think that âbout ya. Ya not his opponent. But he prolly already knows this. Thatâs what makes âem unrequited feelinâsâhe knows this, anâ yet he canât help his feelinâs for what they are.
âNacchan, thanks for holding my coat.â
âOh, um, yeah.â
Tatsuki appeared right in front of Shin while he was lost in his thoughts. Shin told him, âGood game,â and handed him a beer bottle from a brewery that he wasnât very familiar with. Tatsuki took a light swig and wiped his mouth with a loud and satisfied âAaah~!â Then he leaned over and whispered next to Shinâs ear.
â…So who were you watching during the match?â
âHuh?â
Shin answered normally, âBoth,â but he felt like there was something strangely pointed in Tatsukiâs gaze. From the point of view of a director, Tatsuki was the one whom Shin would closely monitor, but on a personal level, Kotarou and his inability to smile was what Shin had thought aboutâŠ
âOi~ Letâs go sit over there and talk~?â
âYeah, Iâm tired of standing~â
Shin felt like it was wrong of him to feel relieved at the interruption from Tatsukiâs friends. They went to sit down at a table to resume drinking, but this time other patrons at the bar started gathering around Tatsuki.
âOh, are you Minagawa-san from Asahi TV?â
âI always watch you on TV!â
âOh, thanks a lot~â
When Announcer Minagawa separated himself from Shin and the others to engage with his viewers, someone decided to speak up.
âHe seems normal and happy again. Iâm glad.â
âHuh?â
Shin looked up from the menu, and Kotaro, who was sitting across from him, cut in with a strained look and said, âOi, drop it.â However, the other members of the group snapped at the bait and wouldnât let go.
âHuh? What happened? What happened?â
âOh, right, you guys didnât come to the afterparty for Satokenâs wedding.â1
âYeah, it kinda got a little ugly.â
âSeriously~? Did Tatsuki do something?â
âWell, Iâd say that we were pretty much responsible for it too.â
âI said to drop it.â
They ignored Kotarouâs protest and continued talking.
âWe were all excited to set up a singles meetup for the people there, but Tatsuki said he had his heart broken and didnât feel like going, and then, um, do you know the bride?â
âGucchan, right? We went to the same junior high with Tatsuki.â
âOh, right, you did, didnât you? So Gucchan overheard him and came over all huffy, going âWhatâs that about?â And then she said, âIf youâre single right now, then I might have finally had a chance with you!ââ
âWhoaa⊠Yeah, that doesnât sound good at all.â
âI know, right? But she had a lot to drink that night, and we were able to calm her down and distract her.â
âApparently Gucchan had been in love with Tatsuki forever, but he always had a girlfriend and so she could never say anything to him.â
âShe probably thought she had gotten over him, but some of those lingering feelings just spilled out.â
âDid Tatsuki ever know about her feelings?â
âHmmm, I havenât asked him about it, but it felt like he was vaguely aware of them? Anyway, itâs not like he could do anything but pretend like he didnât notice. But yeah, it sure became loud and clear that night, and heââ
Kotarou abruptly stood up from his seat and brute-forced himself into the conversation.
âSorry.â
âWhatâs up, Kota? Gotta go to the restroom?â
âNo.â Kotarou pulled out his cell phone. âThereâs trouble at work.â
He then circled around the table and took Shin by the hand.
âExcuse me, Nawada-san, could you please help me with it?â
âHuh?â
Kotarou essentially pulled Shin to his feet and shoved their coats that had been hanging up on the wall at him.
âIâll pay you back later,â Kotarou said to the group.
âSure~ It must be tough working in the TV business~â
âGood luck~â
âAre you really fine with not saying goodbye to Tatsuki before you leave~?â
Kotarou didnât respond to their teasing as he left the bar still holding onto Shinâs hand. All the ping pong tables were in use, but there werenât any of the intense sounds like that of Kotarou and Tatsukiâs game.
âOi, Megumi!â
Kotarou pulled Shin along, his back towards him as he pushed his way through the crowds. Tatsuki had pulled Shin through a crowded street just like this beforeâback when they were merely an announcer and a staff member working on the same show. They didnât resemble each other in the leastânot their backs, not their personalities. So why did Shin remember such a thing now?
Maybe because the strengths of their hands were the same.
Shin suddenly became afraid of the figure of the back that would not turn around, of the quick steps that hadnât considered the differences between their strides. He wondered, Where is he gonna take me like this? That was why he desperately dug his heels in and shouted to make himself be heard above the noise.
ââMegumi, wait!â
Kotarou came to a halt as he came to his senses at last and released Shinâs hand.
âOhâŠâ
His face looked the same as usual when Kotarou turned around, and Shin felt completely spent before working up a rage.
âDammit! What the hell ya doinâ!? My hand hurts! Anâ itâs freezinâ outside, anâ I wanna put on my coat! Ya big olâ dummy!â
âIâm sorry.â
âWhy the hell do ya look a lilâ happy for!? Dumbass!â
Shin didnât want to hold up the crowds of people on the street, so he ducked in front of a nearby convenience store to pull his coat on. His left wrist still stung from the grip that Kotarou had used on him, like it was a low-temperature burn. Shin stuffed both hands into his pockets and questioned him. âYa were lyinâ, right? About workâŠâ
âI was,â Kotarou readily admitted.
âWhy?â
Shin didnât feel like making an excuse like, Oh, it got fixed already, in order to go back to the bar. He wondered if the gossip about Tatsuki was over yet.
âI thought that you wouldnât want to listen to them talking about Minagawa. Because last time I had been insensitive and talked about him in front of you.â
âYa dummy,â Shin whispered quietly. There was a group of businessmen huddled around a public ashtray nearby, and he could hear the chatter of Where do we go next? and smelled the cigarette smoke drift over.
âNone oâ it⊠matters. I dun care whoever it is who likes âim.â
Tatsuki hadnât mentioned anything about it. All that he had said about the afterparty was that Kotarou was feeling downâwhich was fine. Shin wouldnât know how to react even if he confessed, The bride was in love with me, and he didnât count something like that as hiding things from him. The concern for Shin was the people whom Tatsuki had been in love with.
âIâm sorry for doing something unnecessary.â
âFor real.â
The lights from the convenience store at his back seemed to feel as bright as the set lights for TV. He could hear the announcement over the speakers suggesting that patrons make their reservations for Christmas cakes. Shin thought, Oh, itâs already winter. He had first met Tatsuki in the summer, and he had enjoyed the days with the scorching afternoons and nights together with the freezing conditions inside the studio. Shin clenched his hands into fists inside his pockets. For some reason, he felt guiltier thinking about Tatsuki when he was with Kotarou than when he was with Tatsuki thinking about Kotarou.
â…Ya good friends with the groom, right?â
âHuh? Oh, you mean Satoken? Yes, I am.â
âWhat happened to âem afterwards? Dun tell me theyâre gonna divorce âcause oâ Minagawa.â
âIt doesnât look to be the case,â Kotarou answered. âApparently a lot of things sort of came to a head for the bride that night, such as marriage blues and all the alcohol. I heard that she feels terrible about what had happened and sheâs not quite sure why she made such an outburst. Heâll accept her apology and let it go.â
âHe sounds like an adult.â
âYes. Because I love them⊠Is what he said.â2
âDun make such a weird pause.â
âHe said that no one but the bride can truly know her feelings, but they have their whole life ahead of them. And over that time, if she comes to appreciate her decision to marry him over Tatsuki, then heâs fine with it.â
âHnnn.â
I wish I could have such a positive outlook.
âWhat do you think about all of this, Nawada-san?â
âWhat do I think? Not much⊠If the people involved are fine with it, then thatâs their decision. Thatâs all I can say.â
âPersonally, I wouldnât have tolerated it to be honest.â
âHuh?â
Shit.
In order to avoid Kotarouâs face, Shin had let his gaze drift around the drunkards, the neon signs, and the heads of the people passing by, but he unexpectedly met Kotarouâs eyes. But what was so wrong with it?
âProbably because I had thought that it was pitiful to obtain someone who still had feelings for someone else. That it was more difficult to be with them if they still had these half-hearted unrequited feelings⊠That was before I came back to Japan.â
Kotarou had also placed his hands inside his coat pockets. The pockets bulged out a little, probably because he was clenching his fists trying to endure something that he was feeling.
âBut now Iâm sort of wistful. Maybe heâs not number one in her heart right now, but he has the future to change that. At the very least, heâs afforded the opportunity to try, and I very much envy that position that he has.â
âI ainât askinâ âbout ya.â
Shin didnât want to say this. His heart twisted with pain. Even more so because Kotarou wouldnât show him even a hint of how much hurt that he was feeling. Shin hadnât wanted to treat Kotarou so coldly; he only wanted to treat him kindly. But maybe these feelings were a further betrayal of Tatsukiâs trust. Maybe Shin was only being a coward, not wanting to be the bad guy here.
Ya can be dumb sometimes, but ya really a good guy. Iâve come to trust ya a lot after workinâ together, anâ thatâs why I do wish I could hang with ya normally outside oâ work, but when Iâm with ya, I feel like Iâm turninâ more anâ more into this horrible person.
Whyâd ya hafta confess that ya like me, ya dumb nut?
â…Iâm goinâ home.â
After making his declaration, Shin tried to disappear into the faceless crowd, but one word from Kotarou made him stop in his tracks.
âNawada-san.â
âDâya have somethinâ more to say?â
âWhen I was playing ping pong, it was only for a moment, but I felt like we communicated without saying anything.â
âYa totally imagininâ things.â
âI wonder about that⊠Didnât you give me a look that said, âYa such a dummyâ?â
âI pretty much always do that.â
âOh, okay.â
Shin thought to himself, Ya canât turn around right now. He didnât want to see what kind of face Kotarou was making. He was afraid that the image might burn itself into his memory.
â…It makes me happy.â
âYa big dummy,â Shin said as a parting shot, tearing his sneakers away from the pavement to leave the place. He wanted to stalk off quickly, but the dense, bustling crowd made it hard for him to do so. Shin bit his lip as he suppressed the urge to stamp his feet right there and yell, What the hell?
For all that Kotarou had said that he didnât think that Shin was an easy lure, he would keep trying to soften him up. What the heck was that about?
I keep turninâ âim down, but am I somehow sendinâ âim different signals? Am I really that oblivious? Maybe it is my fault.
Shin had never confessed his feelings to someone before, and so he hadnât ever experienced that type of rejection either. But he also understood that just because someone rejected a person, it didnât mean that their feelings would up and disappear.
Kotarou didnât come chasing after him. When Shin returned home, he went straight to bed, only removing his coat before crawling in it, curling up into a ball under the covers. He was exhausted. He felt like he had been exhausted all week this week. He wanted to sleep and not think about anything. If a black screen aired on TV due to an editing or control room mistake, industry people would say that a black stain had visited. It was a broadcasting mistake that everyone abhorred, but right now he wanted that black stain to visit him in his sleep. He didnât want to see any dreamsânot the good ones or the bad ones.
âNawada-san, Nawada-san.â
…What, Megumi? Whatâs wrong?
âI heard that a black stain visited. Iâm scared, so would you please accompany me to the restroom?â
Are ya dumb? A black stain ainât a ghost.
âOh, really? I thought that they were something like soot gremlinsâŠâ
Uh, soot gremlins ainât scary at all. Ya a real dumb nut.3
Shin let out a chuckle without thinking. In response, he felt a warm breath on his ear, and he froze at the sudden raw sensation there. It was hard for him to move his arms and legs, but still, he desperately flung his arms up and raised his voice. This feeling was still fresh in his mind.
ââMegumi, ya dumbass! Not againâŠâ
âHuh?â
However, at the end of his raised arm was Tatsuki.
â…Nacchan, what did you just say?â
Ahh, ya say the same things, Shin thought as he woke up in an instant only to rebound back to the edge of consciousness.
â…Um.â
Shin wanted to at least avoid the tense silence that had descended like the time with Kotarou, and he immediately opened his mouth as he sat up. He didnât know if it was a good thing or not that he had left the lights on. Tatsukiâs face was curiously quiet, as if he had failed to come up with his next reaction after this surprise. On the contrary, this disturbance in his behavior was probably his full reaction on display.
â…Iâm sorry.â
âFor what?â
Shin had barely managed to squeeze out an apology, and Tatsuki immediately retorted with a question.
ââCause I mistook ya two.â
âHow?â
âI just happened to have a dream âbout Megumi just now.â
âBut you said âagain.â What does that mean?â
âUm, wellââ
Just as Shin tried to get off the bed, Tatsuki climbed onto it instead, propping his arms up against the wall to trap Shin against it. The backlighting cast a shadow over his entire face.
ââBecause last time, when he was afraid that he had saw a ghost, he had jumped and clung to me before.â
âReally?â
Shin didnât know how much of the truth that Tatsuki had suspected. There was the possibility that he was just bluffing, but Shin immediately raised a white flag upon hearing the dull tone in Tatsukiâs voice.
âIâm really sorry.â
âLike I said. For what?â
â…There was one time when Megumi was fallinâ asleep durinâ breakfast, so I brought âim here. Anâ I also went to sleepânot together, okay?âand when I started wakinâ up, on my neckâŠâ
Shin placed a hand on the back of his neck as he hesitated, but Tatsuki refused to let go and prompted, âOn your neck?â
âUh, h-he put⊠his lips there.â
âSo he kissed you.â
âItâs ainât really a kiss.â
âItâs a kiss. How is it different?â
â…Iâm sorry. But I promise that nothinâ more than that happenedââ
âWhat?â
For the first time there was a clear glint of danger in Tatsukiâs voice.
âMore than that? What are you even saying? I canât believe that this is happening right now.â
Tatsuki wrenched Shinâs hand away from the back of his neck and gripped it tightly. Shin grimaced slightly, but either Tatsuki didnât notice or he didnât care, and he continued his interrogation.
âSo what did he say? That he was half asleep? Or like you, he mistook you for someone?â
â…He said that he likes me.â
Tatsuki didnât seem particularly surprised by the confession. He looked like he had suspected it and finally had his confirmation.
âThen how did you answer, Nacchan?â
âI turned âim down, of course.â
âDid you tell him about me?â
âI didna!â Shin shook his head hard in denial. âIâd never say anythinâ âbout ya.â
âSo what did Kota say?â
âThat he understood.â
âDid he say heâd give up?â
â…Itâs iffy.â
Tatsuki let out a deep sigh. It was mixed with exasperation and anger, and it wasnât like him at all. Shin wanted to run away when he realized that he was the one who had caused Tatsuki to react like this.
â…When did this happen? It hasnât been very long since he was first hired here.â
âLast Saturday.â
âWhat?â
Tatsuki hit the wall with the side of his fist. Shin had experienced two kinds of wall slams in a very short time, but neither were the types to inspire thrill or anticipation.
âYouâre saying that itâs only been a week!? So you didnât think to put some distance between you two? You just eat together like good friends, meet up together to show up for drinks, and disappear on your own together?â
âIt ainât like that.â
âWhat do you mean itâs not? This week, I saw you searching for Kota in the studio. Your eyes were wandering and looking for him.â
Crap, he figured it outâ No, wait, I didna do anythinâ wrong there.
âWhen ya workinâ together, there are times when ya rely on others, right? It’s the same for eatinâ together too. I dun think itâs any different from all the times ya hafta go out with people to those girls bars!â
âThen what was that today?â
âWe just happened to run into each other on the wayâŠâ
âI heard that Kota left to take care of some trouble at work, and he took you with him, but was it really work?â
â…It was a lie.â
âOi.â
All at once, his tone dropped about two octaves.
âWhat the hell? You canât be serious.â
âNothinâ happened!â
Maybe Shin looked suspicious to Tatsukiâs eyes, losing his cool as he argued heatedly, âI dun wanna hear ya sound like this. I dun wanna see ya so unlike yaself.â But he was too upset to worry about it.
âIâm sorry for usinâ work as an excuse to leave the bar, but in the end we just talked a little anâ went our separate waysâ…Hey, please dun get mad at Megumi. He really dun know anythinâ âbout us. I shoulda been clearer with âim âbout keepinâ our relationship strictly professional, but we work together anâ I canât do anythinâ âbout it.â
âAre you saying that you want me to smile and watch as he goes, âNawada-san, Nawada-san,â and wags his tail at you?â
âItâs work.â
Shin didnât see Kotarou as wagging his tail at him, and Kotarouâs earnestness wasnât something that he did just to win him over. Even if Kotarou did have some ulterior motives in his interactions, he promised Shin in all seriousness that he would try to give himself a chance to like the job. Was it wrong for Shin to value this promise? He wondered if there was a hint of defiance in his expression or voice, because Tatsuki frowned unhappily and declared, âI canât trust you.â
âNacchan, you kept such an important thing from me. If you hadnât let it slip out and I hadnât pressed you about it, were you planning to hide it from me forever? You turned him down, so itâs fine? Donât you think thatâs cruel?â
âWhatta âbout ya!?â Shin retorted without thinking.
Iâve been worryinâ all this time on my own. Iâve been stressinâ so long that I couldna think of any other solutions.
âMe?â
â…Y-Ya brushed off my question âbout the person ya used to like, anâ ya never answered me eitherâŠâ
Tatsuki sighed again in response. This time it was full of weariness.
âIs this really now the time to be bringing that up?â
It was true. Shin said it because he couldnât stand the pressure from Tatsukiâs questioning anymore, but it was unfair and dirty of him. Shin thought to apologize, but the words wouldnât come out. Tatsuki quietly released Shinâs hand and brought his face over to examine Shinâs expression. Tatsukiâs eyes were like colored fragments of glass submerged under darkness, and Shin couldnât see the irises that he adored.
âCan you not believe me?â
Shin weakly shook his head.
âDo you think Iâm scary?â
Shin gave the same response once more, and then Tatsuki gently stoked Shinâs cheek.
â…Youâre lying.â
Shin didnât know which of his responses that Tatsuki was referring to. His body was sluggish, like it had been buried in mud, and when Tatsuki left the apartment, Shin couldnât move or open his mouth to stop him.
Translation Notes
- Satoken is a nickname for their friend. The last name is probably Satou, and the first name starts with Ken or is Ken.
- The I love them sentence is a lot more vague in Japanese. The âIâ could refer to Kotarou or the groom prior to the clarification, and without the clarification, whom or what he loves isnât specified either.
- Soot gremlins are the black soots from the movie Spirited Away.
And Tatsuki finds out and is rightfully upset. It was unfair of Shin to bring up Tatsuki’s old love in the middle of this, but ahhh… Quite messy, with the incident at the wedding afterparty coming out too. Please calm down, take some time to think, and then talk properly you two. đ„
How do I say this? With Ushio and Kei, I really feel like itâs end game. The moment they met itâs going to be them against the world. But with Nacchan and Tastuki idk man. Ik they otp in this story but Kota is also adorable and cute. Canât blame me for liking him as well. But when Tatsuki got angry and slammed his fist. Damn! My uterus felt that.
Hope this gets resolved proper. But knowing sensei, they do delivery conflict with beautiful finesse.
I understand what you mean! I like Kotarou a lot too, especially how serious and earnest he is. That line about Kotarou not showing even a hint of his pain even though he must obviously feel it, my heart really goes out to him. But yes, look forward to the rest of the volume! Sensei always delivers, imho.
I just reread my comment and đ±đ±đ± I sounded like I didnât know grammar. đ Also regarding the English serialisation of the original novel, are they planning to sell digital copies? I do not have access to physical mangas/Japanese novels in my country. I solely rely on renta and viz for mangas.
Aww, it’s all good! Sometimes we’re just in a rush and things slip. đ
Yes, the English edition will have both print and digital formats, so no worries there!
Ohohoho this is what I’m talking about last chapter. It’s given on Tatsuki’s reaction, deym Shin actually slammed this one. Not to mention that he tried to bring out past problems. They should talk– a lot. But knowing Shin’s personality.. hmmm it would be a struggle I think. Shin has a lot of insecurities to begin with and the talk about the bride and the heartbreak of Tatsuku just fell down on him on one swoop and Kota pesters him (gahd what a good timing he has really) which I think he overlaps with Tatsuki as our baby rn don’t have enough time to Shin plus the issue about Kei (which he can’t just talk to because… KUNEIDA KEI folks). I think Tatsuki should go to Kei and Ushik for advice like.. I have someone I’m seeing right now and I need to tell him that i lik”ed” you and so on… T.T gaaahhhd and I freakin’ read this during work hours huhu my heart, my soul
Thank you so much for the chapter!!!!~ đđđđđ
Yeah, seriously, a lot things just fell on Shin all at once, and he’s inexperienced, and he’s just trying to protect Tatsuki too.
I think Tatsuki once he calms down, he should be able to see/guess why Shin did what he did, but yeah, there’s not much he can do about the Kei
monsterissue.Awww, lots of pats and hugs. Hang in there for a bit more!
Huhu I’m crossing my fingers for them, i hope it won’t affect their work, they both passionately love their work and it would make them sadder if they do blast it đ